I find it hardest to stand my ground when I have a goal or better yet, a vision, and I strive with al my might to accomplish it...giving it my all...and I see a lack of progress over a significant period of time.
It can be crushing in many ways. To stand, until I find the strength to 'PUSH', is a major event for me...
For me, I find it hardest when I'm alone. My mother and I had a saying that evolved over time. We just had the get through one day, one hour, one minute... One breath. You can tell how I'm doing by the length of time I can deal with. One breath at a time... That was a hard space, but I got through it with a lot of prayer. One day at a time... That's a good space. Hang in there, Höbin.
It always amazes me how much you and I have in common, Deleyna.
That's how my mom taught me and worked with me, growing up. I was involved in so much violence (usually on receiving end) in California, she spent time helping me cope.
...one breath at a time.
It's morphed over the years and when we buried my Father-in-Law, there were many of us, whispering to one another, "You only have to make it for 5 minutes."
....then, "You only have to make it 5 minutes (more)."
And we did that for days...then a week, then....we ran away together, to heal. (smile)
That's it. When my mother was dying, a friend of hers came, telling me that I wasn't strong enough because of some comments I'd made about how hard it was. The friend didn't make it 5 minutes in the room and said she had no idea how bad it was. She then left and never spoke to me again. (not a loss) But I went back into that room and sat with her. I only had to be there for my next breath. Everything beyond that was up to God. Stay and breathe. And breath by breath, we got through that time. From the outside, it looks strong. But inside: I can't handle anything more than one breath. But with God handling the rest... that's enough.
My mother-in-law's funeral... at the end, I needed to move and I just couldn't. Just couldn't take that first step without her. My husband's uncle, bless him, put his hand on my arm and guided me through what to do. He became my rock. We lost him recently, too. Somehow we have to go on. And we have to look for moments when we can offer that help to others.
Sometimes we have to be an anchor for others, and though we are surrounded by others, even those we love, we can still be 'alone'.
It was that was when I lost Sylvia. My world stopped turning, and it devastated the children...especially Green.
Right now, it's abut something much bigger than me....or my colleagues...happening around us in society. Moves are being made to change the balance of both power and influence over our people.
...and I can't find the source.
That's not normal for me, Deleyna. I'm the best at what I do.
It's my gift.
This has me stumped, and there are forces being sent after me to stop me from making any progress.
Jaime has a rebuilt setup for the podcast, but it looks like it might be some time before I can engage again, in the show. We'll see.
Thank you again, Deleyna. Appreciate you, as always.
Höbin,
I find it hardest to stand my ground when I have a goal or better yet, a vision, and I strive with al my might to accomplish it...giving it my all...and I see a lack of progress over a significant period of time.
It can be crushing in many ways. To stand, until I find the strength to 'PUSH', is a major event for me...
For me, I find it hardest when I'm alone. My mother and I had a saying that evolved over time. We just had the get through one day, one hour, one minute... One breath. You can tell how I'm doing by the length of time I can deal with. One breath at a time... That was a hard space, but I got through it with a lot of prayer. One day at a time... That's a good space. Hang in there, Höbin.
It always amazes me how much you and I have in common, Deleyna.
That's how my mom taught me and worked with me, growing up. I was involved in so much violence (usually on receiving end) in California, she spent time helping me cope.
...one breath at a time.
It's morphed over the years and when we buried my Father-in-Law, there were many of us, whispering to one another, "You only have to make it for 5 minutes."
....then, "You only have to make it 5 minutes (more)."
And we did that for days...then a week, then....we ran away together, to heal. (smile)
That's it. When my mother was dying, a friend of hers came, telling me that I wasn't strong enough because of some comments I'd made about how hard it was. The friend didn't make it 5 minutes in the room and said she had no idea how bad it was. She then left and never spoke to me again. (not a loss) But I went back into that room and sat with her. I only had to be there for my next breath. Everything beyond that was up to God. Stay and breathe. And breath by breath, we got through that time. From the outside, it looks strong. But inside: I can't handle anything more than one breath. But with God handling the rest... that's enough.
I remember the funeral of my mother, and I wasn't strong.
...I was broken.
Stood in the rain at the funeral. My wife encouraged me to come in out of that frigid rain, but I refused. Didn't even feel it, to be honest.
Bless his little heart, my oldest son, who was 10 yrs old, I think, stood with me, in that rain. Held my hand, so I wasn't alone.
These experiences mold us.
My mother-in-law's funeral... at the end, I needed to move and I just couldn't. Just couldn't take that first step without her. My husband's uncle, bless him, put his hand on my arm and guided me through what to do. He became my rock. We lost him recently, too. Somehow we have to go on. And we have to look for moments when we can offer that help to others.
I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Deleyna.
Sometimes we have to be an anchor for others, and though we are surrounded by others, even those we love, we can still be 'alone'.
It was that was when I lost Sylvia. My world stopped turning, and it devastated the children...especially Green.
Right now, it's abut something much bigger than me....or my colleagues...happening around us in society. Moves are being made to change the balance of both power and influence over our people.
...and I can't find the source.
That's not normal for me, Deleyna. I'm the best at what I do.
It's my gift.
This has me stumped, and there are forces being sent after me to stop me from making any progress.
Jaime has a rebuilt setup for the podcast, but it looks like it might be some time before I can engage again, in the show. We'll see.
Thank you again, Deleyna. Appreciate you, as always.
I bet that means that only you have the power to uncover the secrets. Keep at it!
I'm not convinced of that, but I won't give up, OR give in...I just might have to ask for some unconventional help.
Just keep encouraging Jaime to do the best he can, and keep that podcast going.
There's an entire world of information he can share...but he needs to keep going.
If for nothing else, but to make the one's responsible nervous enough to reach out...so I CAN find them!
Will do!